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A mental hospital 19/1/2018
After hearing that of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him
out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the reuer's
file and ed him into his office. <br><br>
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only
sorry that the man you saved later killed himself ...
0 Comentários, 15 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,1.04 Pontuação
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Two Scots 18/1/2018
ots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub diussing
Jock's forthcoming wedding. 'Ach, it's all going grand, ' says Jock.
'I've got everything organised already: the
flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings,
the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly. 'Havens, I've even
bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock. 'A ...
0 Comentários, 20 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,2.86 Pontuação
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THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX 17/1/2018
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy
night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people
waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br>
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one ...
0 Comentários, 18 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,2.08 Pontuação
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THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX 17/1/2018
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy
night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people
waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br>
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one ...
0 Comentários, 7 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,2.08 Pontuação
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But My Wife Won't Like It 16/1/2018
A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart. <br><br>
Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived
in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him. <br><br>
"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Willis, " he replied. <br><br>
"Willis forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll you ...
0 Comentários, 26 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,3.08 Pontuação
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Dolphins 16/1/2018
A few ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon
who had taken it into his head to collect really strange
and exotic pets. day, deciding to add to his collection,
he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to
the salesman, "Show me the most unusual pet you have
in stock!" The salesman took him to an outside tank,
in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. ...
0 Comentários, 16 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,0.92 Pontuação
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Racing Snail 13/1/2018
My racing snail is not winning races anymore so I decided
to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more
aerodynamic. It didnt work if anything its made him more sluggish
0 Comentários, 8 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,2.86 Pontuação
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The Bacon Tree 13/1/2018
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly
and close to death. They are close to just lying down and
waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
<br><br>
'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure
of eet.' <br><br>
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.' <br><br>
So, with renewed strength, they ...
0 Comentários, 18 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,2.51 Pontuação
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Old man's health check up 12/1/2018
An old man went to the doctor suffering from Piles. The doctor
gave him pesaries and told him to put in his rectum every
night and come back after week. <br><br>
When he got home he said to his wife "Have we got a rectum?".
She replied "What's a rectum?". <br><br>
The old man said "I've no idea but I have to put
of these in it every ...
0 Comentários, 25 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,3.65 Pontuação
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Italian Honeymoon... 9/1/2018
The Italian Honeymoon... <br><br>
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his
new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop
in Jersey to say hello to his old friends... Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina
ride..." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well,
we ...
2 Comentários, 32 Visualizações,
8 Votos
,3.71 Pontuação
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Little Sally 9/1/2018
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face,
and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his
weenie today at the playground!"... Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to
say, "It reminded me of a peanut... " Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked,
"Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom ...
3 Comentários, 25 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,5.07 Pontuação
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Leaving Early 9/1/2018
women all worked in the same office, with the same
female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave
work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they
would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed,
or came back to work, so how would she know they went home
early. <br><br>
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening, ed ...
0 Comentários, 22 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,1.69 Pontuação
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A patient rings his doctor... 9/1/2018
A patient rings his doctor... <br><br>
Patient: "Doctor, I applied that Hemorrhoid cream
you gave me and got a terrible reaction!" <br><br>
Doctor: "Okay, where exactly did you apply it?"
<br><br>
Patient: "On the bus."
0 Comentários, 16 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,3.37 Pontuação
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Disappointed... 6/1/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
4 Comentários, 38 Visualizações,
7 Votos
,4.31 Pontuação
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No more a Virgin 6/1/2018
No more a Virgin <br><br>
The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old
girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. <br><br>
After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell
you people” <br><br>
Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”,
and she begins to cry. A long silence again. <br><br>
And then… ...
2 Comentários, 36 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,3.25 Pontuação
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Crabs... 6/1/2018
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take
care of them for him. <br><br>
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.
<br><br>
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner
that he was a lawyer and ...
4 Comentários, 36 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,3.93 Pontuação
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NI Women 27/12/2017
Three men sitting together bragging about how they had
given their new wives duties to perform. Terry had married
a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new
wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house.
He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came
home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and
put away. James had married a woman from ...
0 Comentários, 21 Visualizações,
5 Votos
,2.82 Pontuação
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Handyman Husband???... 26/12/2017
On a cold winter morning, wife texts husband: "WINDOWS FROZEN, WON'T OPEN" Husband texts back: "POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER IT AND TAP GENTLY ALONG THE EDGES WITH A HAMMER" Five minutes later wife texts husband: "COMPUTER REALLY SCREWED UP NOW"
0 Comentários, 22 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,1.73 Pontuação
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Crumbled Money/// 26/12/2017
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks
her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you
ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No, "
said her husband. <br><br>
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or
4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the
cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled
out a ...
1 Comentários, 32 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,4.80 Pontuação
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THE SPOON AND THE STRING 25/12/2017
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference
for an organization. <br><br>
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little
strange. <br><br>
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed
he Also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I ...
1 Comentários, 17 Visualizações,
1 Votos
,3.70 Pontuação
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This Is HELL to Write About: 22/12/2017
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with
the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a
lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I love to drink." Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays ...
0 Comentários, 24 Visualizações,
3 Votos
,4.41 Pontuação
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Frozen Turkey 18/12/2017
Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs,
'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.'
'Now, now, ' her mother comforted, 'I am
sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a
frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about
the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate, ' ...
0 Comentários, 20 Visualizações,
1 Votos
,3.70 Pontuação
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Lion cage cleaner 17/12/2017
My first job was at our local Zoo, sweeping the shit out of
the lion, s cage........ most of it was mine. They fired
me the next week for leaving the cage door open, I said "oh
come on, who, s gonna steal a Lion?"
0 Comentários, 9 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,3.12 Pontuação
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I want to see something really cheap 15/12/2017
After being away on business for a week before Christmas,
Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
<br><br>
<br><br>
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br>
"That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned
with a smaller bottle for $30. ...
1 Comentários, 21 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,3.81 Pontuação
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Ethel 14/12/2017
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually
joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened
and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...
1 Comentários, 21 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,2.42 Pontuação
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The Wedding Night. 13/12/2017
eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and
everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous
about the hymoon night so the female egg decides to dress
up in a skimpy little negligee to them get excited.
The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this
and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the
door. The wife is very shocked by his behavior but ...
0 Comentários, 15 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,1.73 Pontuação
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Catholic Dog 13/12/2017
Muldoon lived al in the Irish countryside with only
a pet for company. day the died, and Muldoon we
nt to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog
is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we
cannot have s for an animal in the church. But there
are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no ...
0 Comentários, 13 Visualizações,
1 Votos
,5.00 Pontuação
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Onions And Christmas Trees 7/12/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father,
'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br>
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, , there
are kinds of Boobs: <br><br>
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and
firm. <br><br>
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. ...
0 Comentários, 28 Visualizações,
5 Votos
,5.10 Pontuação
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LIFE THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY' 6/12/2017
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess'
on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me. <br><br>
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. <br><br>
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even
get into my own pants. <br><br>
How come we choose from just two people to run for president
and over fifty ...
0 Comentários, 17 Visualizações,
3 Votos
,5.39 Pontuação
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Looks of Disappointment 5/12/2017
A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered
open and he said, "You're truly beautiful."
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed
by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...
1 Comentários, 24 Visualizações,
3 Votos
,4.90 Pontuação
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