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a laugh does a body good 10/31/2007
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for
young , the teacher says to her students:
“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent
family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the
toilet, what would you say to her?”
Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”
The teacher says: “That would be very rude and ...
1 Comments,
121 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Smile is greate for healt 10/31/2007
Dear Manager (HR),
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he
always finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a ...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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a joke 10/30/2007
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new
pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record
and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!"
"Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident, "
stammered the private. "Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain
looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries,
"Road-march accident, Firing Range ...
0 Comments,
81 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Free drinks for everyone 10/30/2007
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to
the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you,
bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders
and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The
drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around
and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a
drink for everyone in the bar including the ...
0 Comments,
83 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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just a wee joke 10/14/2007
firemen have rescued an irish man stuck to a condom machine.
they asked what happened he said the sign says insert 2
and push knob in.....
0 Comments,
81 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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The Polite way to PEE!! 10/11/2007
During one of her daily
classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked
her students the following question: "Michael,
if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude
and impolite. ...
1 Comments,
227 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score
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Gay flight attendant!! 10/9/2007
My flight was being served
by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food
and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down
the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce
that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people,
if you could just put your trays up, ...
0 Comments,
187 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Things my MOTHER taught me!! 10/9/2007
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that
will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. ...
0 Comments,
136 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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pilot complaints 10/8/2007
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack
a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance
complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action
recorded by mechanics.
By the way, Qantas is supposedly the only major airline
that has never had an accident.
P = the problem the pilots entered in the log. S = the solution or corrective action taken by the ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Penis study 10/8/2007
Penis Study Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine
why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The
study concluded that the reason the head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct
their own study ...
0 Comments,
76 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Men are Useless 10/8/2007
Did you know that a man is made up of many useless "things?"
He has an Adams apple that isn't an apple... Two calves that will never become cows... A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere... A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything... Twenty nails that won't hold a board... A chest that won't hold linen... Two tits that won't give milk... Two buns that won't feed anyone... A belly button ...
0 Comments,
50 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Dear Tech suport 10/8/2007
A letter to tech support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program began unexpected procesing
that took up alot of space and valuable resources. No mention
of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs
and now launches during systen installation, where it
monitors all other system ...
0 Comments,
38 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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a blonde joke 10/8/2007
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me. >> >> >>I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get it started." >> >> >>Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed
to be when it's finished?" >> >> >>The blonde says, "According to the picture
on the box, it's a tiger." >> >> >>Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with
the puzzle. She lets him in ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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A load of Arse 10/4/2007
(_!_) Regular Arse
(__!__) Fat Arse
(!) Tight Arse
(_&_) Sore Arse
(_0_) Well Used Arse
(_e=mc2_) Smart Arse
(_x_) Kiss my Arse
0 Comments,
24 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Magic aftrican teakwood dildo 10/2/2007
Two girlfriends were talking one day, and the subject of
"toys" came up. One said to the other, "
I've been wanting to try something like that but don't
know where to find them." "I know just the place. It's a seedy part of town
but they have wht you need." So she got directions, and found the place. But it was going
out of buisness, and had only one dildo left. "I'll show you the only one we ...
0 Comments,
100 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Poopie "A glossary of terms and definitions" 9/26/2007
Ghost Poopie: The kind where you feel the poopie come out,
but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie: The kind where you poopie it out see it in the
toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper
Wet Poopie: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and
it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper
between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin ...
0 Comments,
41 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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Two rednecks 9/26/2007
Two rednecks were seated at the end of a bar when a young lady
seated a few stools up began to choke on a piece of hamburger.
She was turning blue and obviously in serious respiratory
distress. One said to the other, "That there gal is
having a bad time!" The other agreed and said, "Think
we should go help?" "You bet, " said the
first, and with that he ran over and said, "Can you
breathe??" She ...
0 Comments,
89 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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You have the greatest breasts 9/26/2007
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell,
and the wife answers. " Hi, is Tony home?" "
No, he went to the store." "Well, you mind if
I wait?" " No, come in." They sit down and
the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest
breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks
if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for
a second and figures what the hell - a hundred ...
0 Comments,
86 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Adult Store 9/24/2007
A young woman goes into an adult store looking to purchase
a new toy for herself. After several minutes of wondering
around the store she can't find anything that seems
to catch her eye. As she starts to leave she sees a large red object behind
the clerk's counter. "How much is the large red
toy behind you?" She asks. The clerk looking puzzled
looks around...puzzled he says this one while ...
0 Comments,
160 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score
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3 am...two london chavs come out of a nightclub 9/20/2007
It's 3am and two chavs, Dean and Dazza, have just walked
out of the nightclub, totally and utterly pissed out of
their brains.
as the night air hits them, they start to sober up a little
and they realise that they have spent their taxi money,
and it's too late/ early for any public transport.
they start to walk
after 20 minutes, they pass the bus garage, and see that
it ...
0 Comments,
141 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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4 old ladies take tea at the country club... 9/20/2007
Margaret, Ethel, Dorothy and Maud are sitting in the country
club, discussing how successful their sons are:
Ethel looks at the others, smugly, and says "My is a successful IT consultant. He just got
a 30, 000 bonus and bought a Rolex Watch"
Maud, isn't impressed. "My works for a City law firm. He's just been
given a 200, 000 bonus, and brought a Porsche Carrera
sports car" ...
0 Comments,
138 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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a dumb blonde joke, that blondes will love.... 9/16/2007
Two council workers, Fred and George. were standing by
the flagpole, staring at the top, when a blonde secretary
walked past.
Curious, she went over, and asked George, "Excuse me. What are you looking at?"
"This flagpole, miss. The boss has told us to measure
the exact height. He's given us a bag of tools but no
ladder!"
"that's no problem" said the blonde, and
she ...
0 Comments,
223 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
Why did the shetland pony lose his voice?
He was a little hoarse!
0 Comments,
56 Views,
4 Votes
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?
Warren!
0 Comments,
101 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
What is the technical term for a lesbian sex change operation?
A Strapadicktomy!
0 Comments,
102 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
Why cant you trust a woman?
How can you trust something that bleeds for a week and doesnt
die?
0 Comments,
42 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
Did you hear about the two Irish gays?
Patrick fitskirk and Kirk fitspatrick!
0 Comments,
23 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
Did you hear about the two Scottish gays?
Ben Doon and Fill McCrevass!
0 Comments,
19 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
Did you hear about the masturbating robot?
He pulled himself to pieces!
0 Comments,
37 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Stupid joke 9/11/2007
Why is a gay man like a microwave oven?
They both brown your meat!
0 Comments,
37 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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