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know what I think 6/3/2008
Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for there
first night together. In the morning Johnny, Fred's
little brother gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going
out the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary
are up yet. She replies, 'No. Johnny asks, Do you know
what I think? His mom replies " I dont want to hear what
you ...
0 Comments,
80 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Tidy Operation 6/3/2008
After her fifth , Lucy decided that she should have
some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore
herself to her former youthful glory because her bacon
was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.
Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned
that, with five now being the limit, she'd
tidy things with a nip here and a tuck down there so it looked
more ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Little girl vs Cop 5/30/2008
A cop was on his waiting to cross the street when a little
girl on her new shinny bike stopped beside him. Nice bike,
the cop said. Did Santa bring it to you? Yes sir, the little
girl said, he sure did. The cop looked the bike over handed
the girl a 5 dollar ticket for safety violation. The cop
said, Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the
back ...
0 Comments,
113 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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BLONDE 5/28/2008
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer
who also was a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde
drivers license, she dug through her purse and was getting
progressively more agitated. What does it look like? She
finally asked. The policewoman replied, its square and
has ...
0 Comments,
82 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Here's one for the ladies 5/24/2008
What's that useless bit of skin at the end of a penis
called?
A man!
0 Comments,
77 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Cheese 5/22/2008
A bloke walks into the corner shop to buy a pound of cheese.
However he was troubled with a particularly bad stammer
and by the time he'd finished asking for the cheese
the shop was full of cats.
0 Comments,
72 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Brits only please! 5/19/2008
The NHS has announced that all the sperm banks in London
and Manchester will not be able to get any sperm donations
for the next seven days.
All the wankers will be in Moscow!
0 Comments,
55 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Rollerblading 5/19/2008
Q. What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?
A. Telling your parents that you're gay!
0 Comments,
64 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
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Body World 5/16/2008
I've decided to donate my body, obviously after I've
died, to that Dr Gunther von Haagen.
You know the fellow?
He's the one who skins and then plasticises corpses
and puts on exhibitions around the world featuring his
collection of bodies in varying poses.
At least I'll get to tour the world for nothing!
0 Comments,
41 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Warning! 5/13/2008
There's a group of religious crackpots going around
knocking on doors spreading their message.
They're telling everyone that brown bread is better
than white bread.
Apparantly, they're from the Hovis Witnesses!
2 Comments,
104 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score
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Three Degrees 5/9/2008
What do you call The Three Degrees when they're feeling
sexy? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Wet
Wet Wet
1 Comments,
67 Views,
3 Votes
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Sex in the lounge. 5/4/2008
Wifey came out of the kitchen and into the living room and
said to her husband, "Come on, let's make love."
So they got down to it and after the critical moment had passed,
the wife went back into the kitchen.
Her husband followed his wife into the kitchen and said,
"Wow! That sure was something different and totally
unexpected. You must have been feeling really horny." ...
1 Comments,
112 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Hide and Seek 5/4/2008
What do men have in common with Hide and Seek and love making?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
After about a minute they shout out, "I'm comming
ready or not!"
0 Comments,
59 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Afghanistan 5/3/2008
A journalist who had been covering the situation in Afghanistan
under the Taliban had learned that among other things,
the Afghan woman particularly hated having to wear the
Burkka, and they also hated having to walk ten paces behind
their husbands.
Five years after the Taliban lost control of Afghanistan,
that same journalist went back to see how things had changed
for the women. ...
0 Comments,
70 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Only a Brit will get this one!!!! 5/3/2008
An Austrian journalist was asking a neighbour of the Fritzl's
about Fritzl's Alice. The neighbour replied, "Alice? Alice? Who the fuck
is Alice? For twenty four years I've been living next
door to Alice?
0 Comments,
56 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Bank Robber 5/2/2008
A gunman robbed a bank, and after he got the money he went
up to a woman in the bank and said, "Did you see who robbed
this bank?" The woman said, "Yes." So the robber shot her dead. The robber then went up to a couple and said, "Did you
see who robbed this bank?" The man said, "No, but my wife did!"
0 Comments,
64 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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The Psychologist 4/26/2008
A couple were holding a dinner party for several guests,
but annoyingly their just wouldn't stay
upstairs in their rooms. After several attempts by the parents to take the
back upstairs, they simply kept coming back down continually
disrupting the dinner party. Eventually one of the guests who was a Swedish psychologist
voluntered his help. "Oh please DO try, " said the mother. The Swedish ...
0 Comments,
65 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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Penis 4/22/2008
What's the first thing that comes out of a penis when
a man has sex? > > > > The wrinkles!
0 Comments,
114 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Scousers 4/20/2008
Why are the Scousers always depressed? > > > > > > > > >: > > > > The light at the end of the tunnel is Birkenhead!
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Albert & Anes 3/23/2008
Albert & Agnes were an "item" at the old
folks where they lived.
Every morning Agnes would go into Albert's room where
Albert would be lying on top of his bed waiting her arrival.
She would sit beside his bed and hold onto his penis while
they chatted about things.
The staff at the home knew this was going on but left them
to it as it kept them both occupied.
However, ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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6 months left to live. 3/23/2008
A couple were at the doctors.
The husband had been undergoing a series of tests and it
was now the time for the Doctor to give the results.
The Doctor says, "I'm sorry to inform you but
your condition is very grave. In fact it's terminal
and you've only got six months left to live."
The husband crumbled and was obviously very distressed
and started crying.
His ...
3 Comments,
136 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Diamond Earrings 3/19/2008
The minute I walked into the post office, the postmaster
noticed the beautiful diamond earrings my husband had
just givem me. Those must be real diamonds, she said. "Yes,
they are, " I was thrilled she'd noticed. "How
could you tell?" "Because, " she said,
"no one buys fake diamonds that small."
0 Comments,
62 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Housekeeper 3/19/2008
I married a housekeeper.
We got a divorce.
She kept the house!
0 Comments,
61 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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A Gift for my wife 3/19/2008
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our
15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something
extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100, 000-volt, ...
0 Comments,
53 Views,
1 Votes
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Curtain Rods 3/19/2008
She spent the first day sadly
packing her belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down on the floor in the dining room
by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and
feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, ...
0 Comments,
37 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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For my Irish Friends 3/19/2008
Poor Shamus.... Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two
but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could
only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang
on, I have an idea.' He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large
sausage. Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't
have any money left at all!' Murphy replied, 'Don't
worry - just follow me. 'He went ...
0 Comments,
47 Views,
1 Votes
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The Nightstand 3/19/2008
After a long night of making love,
he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins
to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly, " she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all, " she says, nibbling away at his ear. ...
0 Comments,
51 Views,
0 Votes
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A Deathbed Confession 3/17/2008
Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, John, maintaining
a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his
warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her
face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My
darling John, " she whispered. "Hush, my love, " he said. "Go back to
sleep. Shhh. Don't talk." But she was insistent. ...
0 Comments,
79 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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It's Easter Again 3/17/2008
It was the Last Supper and Jesus said to Mathew, "Mathew,
was it you that betrayed me?" And Mathew sayeth, "No Lord and Master, it was not
me who betrayed you." Jesus said, "Mathew, thou art verily a good man, let
us take wine together." So Jesus turned to Mark and said, "Mark, was it you
who betrayed me?" And Mark sayeth, "No Lord and Master, it was not I who
betrayed you." And Jesus said, ...
0 Comments,
44 Views,
1 Votes
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Easter 3/16/2008
Why did Jesus die on the cross? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He forgot his safe word!
5 Comments,
108 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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