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Happy Ever After..........This is a fairy tale that we should have been reading as little girls! 5/7/2005
Happy Ever After..........
This is a fairy tale that we should have been reading as little
girls!
<br>
Once upon a time, in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened
upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near
her castle.
<br>
The frog hopped into the princess' ...
0 Comments,
220 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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Good doctor 4/28/2005
A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist. The doctor
took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew
out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
<br>
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
<br>
"Yes, " she replied, "You are checking
for abrasions or ...
0 Comments,
459 Views,
21 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Condoms for all occasions! 4/20/2005
There was a father and his little boy that went into a local
drug store to pick up a prescription. While in the store
the little boy was looking around and came upon a rather
large display for condoms. The little boy looked at all
the brightly colored packages and the different types
and the different quantities.
<br>
The little boy went to his father and asked "Daddy,
what are ...
1 Comments,
272 Views,
17 Votes
,4.26 Score
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This is why you don't call on Johnny. 3/21/2005
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.
"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and
describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm
talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and
red."
<br>
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher,
wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered:
"An apple."
<br>
"No ...
0 Comments,
136 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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In A Redneck Dungeon 3/19/2005
Toys are displayed in wall-mounted gun racks.
<br>
The dungeon masters are Bubba and Bobbi Sue Cindy.
<br>
The hostess has bigger hair than Roseanne's ass.
<br>
The suspension rings are hung on the deer's antlers.
<br>
The neural wheel is missing a few teeth.
<br>
The interrogation chair is the rusted seat from a '68
Ford pickup.
...
1 Comments,
226 Views,
11 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Men 3/6/2005
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
<br>
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed
a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
<br>
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY
CAUCASIAN."
<br>
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES
ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
<br>
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE ...
1 Comments,
199 Views,
13 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Paired off Parrots 2/27/2005
A lady approaches her rabbi and tells him, "Rabbi,
I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."
<br>
"What do they say?" the rabbi inquired.
<br>
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes.
Want
to have some fun?'"
<br>
"That's terrible!" the rabbi exclaimed,
"but I have a
solution to your ...
2 Comments,
119 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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The Truth about Santa... 2/27/2005
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000
species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while
most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY
rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
<br>
There are 2 billion (persons under 1 in the world.
BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim,
Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist , ...
1 Comments,
82 Views,
11 Votes
,1.11 Score
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The Smile 2/22/2005
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive
me, Father, for I have sinned."
<br>
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
<br>
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made
mad passionate love to me seven times."
<br>
The priest thought long and hard and then said, ...
1 Comments,
234 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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To Realize The Value..... 2/8/2005
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
<br>
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
<br>
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
<br>
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
<br>
To realize
The value of nine ...
0 Comments,
47 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Handguns VS Women 2/7/2005
#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.
<br>
#09 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR
WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.
<br>
#08 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM
SO. HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
<br>
#07 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP
ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
<br>
#06 - ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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5 sure ways to tell you are a redneck 1/31/2005
Here are 5 proven ways to tell you just might be a redneck:
<br>
5. Your family tree doesn't fork
<br>
4. Your front porch collapses and kills more then 4 dogs
<br>
3. Your mother doesn't remove the marlboro from her
lips while she tells the state trooper to KISS HER ASS!
<br>
2. When you go to pick up your bags after a flight and you are
the only one with ...
0 Comments,
118 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Things Not to say to a man with a small penis 1/31/2005
* "I've smoked fatter joints than that."
* "Ahh, it's cute."
* "I'm sorry."
* "Who circumcised you?"
* "Why don't we just cuddle?"
* "You know they have surgery to fix that."
* "It's more fun to look at."
* "Make it dance."
* "You know... there's a tower in Italy like that."
* "Wow, and your feet are so big."
* "My last boyfriend was 4" bigger."
* "It's ...
1 Comments,
95 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Tricking a nun 1/30/2005
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front
seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would
have sex with him.
<br>
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines
and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again,
the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can
tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
<br>
...
0 Comments,
257 Views,
18 Votes
,4.76 Score
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WHO hasnt gotten one of these 1/29/2005
>Thank You
>
>
>I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send
>me your damn chain letters over the past few years.
>
>Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy.
>
>Because of your concern...
>
>I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
>
>I no longer drink ...
1 Comments,
110 Views,
15 Votes
,3.28 Score
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Polish gynecologist 1/22/2005
Why did the polish gynecologist use 2 fingers?
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
-He wanted a second opinion!!
0 Comments,
83 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Finally, a smart blonde joke 1/15/2005
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the
loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000. The bank officer
says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan;
so, the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The
car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the
title and everything checks ...
0 Comments,
142 Views,
14 Votes
,5.70 Score
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Traineee Geriatric Delinquents 1/15/2005
My and I went into a very respectable card shop
one day, in a very respectable and predominently elderly
populated area of Liverpool and had to laugh when we were
paying for cards at the checkout and we looked up and saw
the following huge sized colourful circular metal lapel
badges for sale which read ~
<br>
"Trainee Geriatric Delinquent"
60 Today
<br>
...
1 Comments,
87 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Lawyers 1/14/2005
Do you know how copper wire was invented?
<br>
Two lawyers fighting over a penny.
0 Comments,
81 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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A winner 1/5/2005
After a woman meets a man in a bar, they talk and end up leaving
together. They get back to his flat, and as he's showing
her around, she notices that his bedroom is completely
packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of them - all arranged
in size, from the smallest on the shelves along the floor,
to the huge daddy bears on the very top shelf. Although surprised,
the woman decides not to mention ...
0 Comments,
135 Views,
14 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Good-bye Bob 1/4/2005
Four gay men had been life long friends, all sharing and
caring for each other. As the years went pass, one of them,
Bob, passed away. His body was cremated, the funeral held
and his ashes were divided up and given to his three friends.
As the remaining friends talked, the question came up,
what was each going to do with Bob’s ashes.
<br>
The first friend said he and Bob loved to ...
1 Comments,
231 Views,
20 Votes
,4.02 Score
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the ultimate blonde joke 1/3/2005
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me.
>>
>>
>>I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get it started."
>>
>>
>>Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed
to be when it's finished?"
>>
>>
>>The blonde says, "According to the picture
on the box, it's a tiger."
...
0 Comments,
201 Views,
24 Votes
,4.04 Score
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Husband's story 1/2/2005
After many years together, husband was so tired of his wife
never cleaning or cooking, he did not know how to get rid
of her. So his friend suggested fucking her to death....
That night husband was doing precisely what his friend
told him- all night long, until his wife lost conscience.
He thought she died, took shower in the morning, and left
for work. When he came home, he could not ...
4 Comments,
320 Views,
37 Votes
,4.25 Score
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Silly/stupid things subs can say: 12/15/2004
What did the female sub say to her Master?
"Master is that a but plug in Your pocket or are You
just happy to see me?"
<br>
"That didn't hurt." 
<br>
"You swing like a girl."
<br>
In the middle of a spanking "A little to the left."
<br>
A sub says to their Master/Mistress while holding a whip
and grinning wickedly, ... "my turn."
<br>
...
2 Comments,
117 Views,
14 Votes
,4.26 Score
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Bathing a Cat 12/12/2004
How to wash the cat::
thoroughly clean the toilet.
add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water,
and have both lids lifted.
obtain the cat and soothe it while you carry it towards the
bathroom.
in one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close
both lids(you may need to stand on the lid so that it cannot
escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close ...
0 Comments,
78 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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"the LOOS stuff" 12/10/2004
what have David Beckham n George Micheal got in common?
they've both been caught shootin thier load in LOOs....
2 Comments,
59 Views,
11 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Some of the worst jokes in history. 12/8/2004
Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope
"Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one
of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied
himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are
you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid
not"
<br>
A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits
down at a desk and the name plate says "Patty ...
1 Comments,
58 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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donkeys and roosters 12/5/2004
What would happen if your donkey ate my rooster?
<br>
- My cock'd be in your ass
2 Comments,
58 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Its all Relative... 12/5/2004
Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a
while one of them said, "Don't think only you
have family problems!! Just Listen to mine.... A few years
ago I met a young widow with a grown-up and we got
married. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That
made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became
my stepson. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her ...
0 Comments,
154 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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" a woman's prayer" 11/29/2004
before you lay me down to mate, i hope you dont ejaculate....but
if you do before i cum...i hope you tongue will c me through...
1 Comments,
50 Views,
22 Votes
,4.09 Score
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